Needle Phobia - a positive update

It's been well over a year since I addressed this point on the blog but I thought it deserved an update. The first post regarding my needle phobia is here if anyone wanted to read it again or give it a first look.


In this last year and a bit I've realised that I couldn't go on avoiding needles forever. It would be nice if that was the case but  it's not very realistic. We've all seen people like The Speakmans on the television helping people overcome these debilitating phobias and really improving these peoples lives, but I didn't have hundreds of pounds to spend on getting better and as a last straw kind of move, I even applied to be part of the show they've recorded this year. I didn't end up participating - I didn't get chosen for the pilot show and by the time I got asked to apply again for the commissioned series I was already exploring other avenues but for anyone who knows me, this was a really out of character thing for me to do, perhaps demonstrating just how desperate I was.


In October last year, something happened which made me hit breaking point with it all and I found the number of a service in the area that I'd seen advertised my my workplace. 'Talking Matters' is a place where you can be referred by your Dr or you can do what I did and self-refer. They deal with phobias, OCD, stress, anxiety and depression issues, and you can read about their services on the link. I nervously dialled the number and the lady who picked up the phone was amazingly understanding when I laid my cards on the table and asked if they could help. They said they'd ring me the following week for an assessment of my needs and they were very punctual and sensitive when I had this appointment. Long story short, I was paired with a lovely chap I've since called Phobia Phil. We've worked through lots of Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques to try to teach me how to get a handle on all of this and whilst there have been tears and emotional conversations, I cannot believe how much of a difference this course of action has made to my life.


One of the reasons I wanted to get treatments for my phobia was because my husband and I wanted to have a family and as you know I'm now very pregnant. 'Talking Matters' has enabled me to do one of the things I never thought possible and that was to have blood taken, albeit from my hand, for the first time in 23 years. I'm still working hard to get the courage and discipline to have blood taken from the bend of my arm but it's not something I see as impossible anymore which is half the battle. I'm due some more tests in the next week and I won't lie, I'm still very frightened but the fact that I'm talking about it and getting it done is incredible. I feel like someone has waved a magic wand over me.


Please, please seek help with your phobia or anxiety problem if you have one. Talking Matters is my local service on Teesside but there should be similar provision around the country so ask your GP or Google it to find yours. You don't have to suffer and be like that for the rest of your life. I wish someone had given me the information to sort this out for myself sooner and I'll never look back. Who knows, it might just save your life.

Phobias

Since I was seven years old I have had a very real phobia of needles. It has prevented me from visiting different countries that require vaccines, stopped me from seeking medical attention for (fortunately) minor ailments and has generally had a huge bearing on my life for the past 23 years.

How did it all begin? The Dentist. I was absolutely fine with it all until then actually. Before that I'd needed numerous blood tests etc and always been fine but when I came to have teeth removed they told me I was having knockout gas and when I turned around they were whacking a syringe into the bend of my arm. No wonder then that that is the area I'm the most phobic about people even touching. At the present time I can't even bear to look at people extending their forearms in this fashion. I suppose nowadays I'd have a case to sue for damages (curse you 1980's and your lack of ridiculous suing culture!)

My 'rock bottom' was a couple of years ago when to talk about needles made me feel breathless and it all culminated in a bit of upset at work. I'd taken a job as a receptionist at a Doctors surgery and one of the girls said I might need a Hepatitis injection because I was handling samples. I freaked and the first thing I thought was that I could either run or hand my notice in and run. I don't suppose these are healthy attitudes when you have bills to pay but hey ho. After a lot of tears, the nurse talked me round into staying and for one the first times in my adult life I felt like someone had really listened and understood. She talked me through different options she'd offered needle phobics before and it helped me feel like I'd have someone to trust if I needed advice about any of it. At this point, I couldn't even hold boxes if I knew there was a syringe casing in it.

Nearly a year later, I found myself working in a pharmacy. At this point I had decided that I had to try and sort all this out and try and take baby steps to desensitise myself. Surrounded by lots of very understanding colleagues I've really tested myself and after a year and a half of working there I can hold the boxes with them in and even look at the real thing so long as I'm the one in control. This sounds very insignificant but I assure you it's one of the biggest adjustments of my life.

Rant time...The most irritating things people can say to a needle phobic are as follows:

-It's just a scratch
-Don't fuss it's over in a second
-Look away and you won't notice
-I'm scared of needles too
-Lots of people are scared of needles

I think most people don't understand phobias. I know how I feel is irrational and that doesn't hurt very much but getting my mind and body to go along with this is quite something else. I was asked at my 'rock bottom' if my life or my family and friends lives depended in me having an injection in the bend of my arm would I do it? The answer was and is 'no' and I am DISGUSTED at myself and I love my family and friends more than anything but but that's how strong the grip of a phobia is.

I'm now on a quest to try and sort this out so any tips you have or alerting me to mechanisms you have seen that exist would be greatly appreciated. Wish me luck!